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Friday
November 20th, at 9:40pm
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so in every _ship, i understand that one needs to be the initiative one.
because if both does not care enough, or does not put in the effort, and _ship, would not last.
kinship, friendship, relationship.
question is, what if i'm tired being the one who has to give more? what if i'm sick of being the one who's always loving more, needing more.
if i were to walk away right now, even though you're the most important thing in my life, will you realize it and chase after me?
will you pass my test?
or will you just look at my back, or maybe, will you even notice?
it's just that, i've been giving it some thought, and i do not want someone who views me as dispensable, when he or she means the world to me.
i'm the all or nothing kind of person. if i give all, i expect alot more then nothing.
and if i'm nothing, then no way will i allow you be mean anything.
all or nothing. double or nothing.
if you cant give me everything, then i accept nothing.
nothing.
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[
Friday
November 20th, at 9:18pm
] |
do you know what i think?
and really really believe?
i sincerely believe, that if anyone, truly knows someone. (i shouldnt say anyone, i mean, people who i view and look upon as friends(with the very extreme exclusion of some)) i really believe, no, I KNOW. that it will be IMPOSSIBLE, to not love them.
if anyone leaves and walk away from my friends. i think, that person, is a real idiot. because he or she, just walked away from the best thing, that could ever happen to him or her.
that being said, i need to clarify that some people do not deserve my beloved friends at all. but that's just me being bitchy. oh well.
not that anyone is leaving anyone. for some reason, i just had this extremely strong thought today.
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[
Thursday
November 12th, at 9:04pm
] |
我没有说谎 我何必说谎
你知道的我缺点之一就是很健忘
我哪有说谎
是很感谢今晚的相伴
但我竟然有些不习惯
我没有说谎 我何必说谎
爱一个人没爱到难道就会怎么样
别说我说谎
人生已经如此的艰难
有些事情就不要拆穿
我没有说谎 是爱情说谎
它带你来骗我说可我没有可能有希望
i think, this disappointment, is eating me up from the inside.
i cant decide if this is a good thing or not though.
i mean, i never wanted to need you or love you from the begining anyway right?
now that you're really fading out from my own emotions, why do i feel funny?
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[
Sunday
November 8th, at 6:14pm
] |
trying to hard to hide it, but it shows anyway.
sometimes, i disgust myself.
look in the mirror and see, 'ewww, what the hell is it.'
no wonder you behave so differently towards me, you see me, the same way i see me.
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[
Sunday
November 8th, at 3:10am
] |
i know i've been a self absorbed bitchy spoilt childish irritating brat these days.
but wow.
boy oh boy, never in a million years i have thought we'd end up like this.
i'm just confused though.
a real fight? like a real real one? so i'm kinda lost.
this is the part where i've to act like i dont care, and too insensitive to notice right?
wow, i think, i'm going crazy. i'm drained.
i no longer have the energy to care for someone, who doesnt give a shit.
is this fair enough?
geeeesh. talk about a disappointing.
2 very important guys, 2 very disappointing people.
maybe i was so obsessed and blinded by my love and need for them,
i dismissed all their serious flaws.
oh am jee. my medication made me see to clearly.
how am i going to convince myself now, that i'm not going to regret whatever i've said done and will continue doing?
sometimes, i really wonder why i'm here.
any other soul, would have done a better job then me, at being diana.
on a very very happy note.
saw 6 is awesome.
i lost the moral of the story somewhere along the serials though.
hah.
<3
that girl on tv.
i wish i was her.
i wish that everyday, i can wake up smiling, knowing that i have people, who showers me with overflowing concern,understanding, support, care and love.
but i'm a lucky person you know.
there are moments, like yestercay, when i re-read debbie's christmas card, i feel like i am really loved and cared for.
i just wish i can feel like that everyday, everytime.
that way, no matter what happens, i know that i'd be s damn strong, unbreakable girl.
i'm not strong.but i refuse to cry my way to help.
if you care for me, you'd notice my hints.
you'd understand my weaknesses, you'd know that something is not right.
i dont like asking, cause that can cause obligations.
tell me you want to help.
just fyi.
i'm upset and really disappointed.
did he change somewhere along the way, or is it just me?
cause the man i fell for, would have apologised and tried to humour me many many hours ago.
but, oh well. i guess.
you are not all that i thought you were.
halo effect.
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[
Wednesday
October 28th, at 1:49am
] |
today was one of those days, i look back and feel like life sucks.
bad day * 100.
aside from the fact that i almost got into 3 car accidents today. i got news that i failed bloody mus101 mid terms. all of that aside, PROF BOB also decided to not only postpone our quiz to make an ultra hard one, he also took away the advantage that section A was suppose to have, to bring the paper home. =( i feel for kev and jeremy and everyone else. bob's fault? no, i dont really put the blame on him, but who's that dumbass retard who complained to 11 bloody SIM admins?! i seriously think she is such an idiot. WE GOT A FREAKING EASY PAPER TO DO YO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU BITCH? do you want everyone to fail or something?!
my super man didnt save me today. have i ever mentioned how much i HATE it when people dont mean what they say? hey, i'm good with ending the conversation with a short 'goodbye.' must you really say dumb things like 'call you later', 'message you in a while', ummm, dude. please dont say things you cant do, it kinds of disappoints, and disappointment is one of those emotions i hold very dearly unto.
yan says my liking has grown to be too obvious.
oh god. i need help. what happened mann, 20hours ago, i was still smiling to myself thinking, 'wow, i must be the luckiest girl alive.', now, the only thing in my brain is '**** **** **** **** ****' any vulgarities will fit.
school wasnt meant to be THIS stressful. i need to go for a high blood pressure test check as soon as possible.
yes i love you, but no, i can live perfectly well with or without you too.
i just miss those days when i was so young, i can run to someone without hiding my emotions. crying, whining, screaming, shouting, laughing and getting a nice tight hug, a kiss then tugged into bed with a 'i love you princess, when you wake up tomorrow, i promise you everything will be fine'.
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[
Sunday
October 18th, at 1:45am
] |
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
you know, that day when you acted like you care, i was really really happy.
it made me smile and laugh so much, i couldnt even study.
YES, i was THAT happy.
truth to be told, i still am THAT happy everytime i think about it.
or everytime someone sincerely tells me, 'he cares='.
cause this time around, i feel it too, i see it too, and i believe i think i know it.
now i start to wonder, when i obviously show you how much I CARE.
do you act and think in that same silly way,
or do you feel and think of me as just a painfully nice obligation?
oh am jee, speaking of which,
how should i repay him, who cares so much, and tries so hard?
it's so hard to reciprocate, but i really wish i could.
this is getting complicated.
do you think he likes me too?
hahahha, so drama, yan darling told me.
"just be with him laaaaaa, you dont have to think so far into marriage right!!"
ssssssssia. i wish baby, i wish he sees it the way i do too,
but dont bullshit lorh. make me happy onlay. hahahahha
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
still happy. still smiling.
i'm so deep in now la. kns
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[
Saturday
September 26th, at 9:43pm
] |
you know, i dont get it sometimes, sorry, i mean, ALL THE TIME.
it's like, saying ' turn left ', but then grabbing my wheels and turning them to the right.
i dont know mann.
like i want to draw the line somewhere, and say 'that's it', but somehow, the line always never stays at it's place.
bloody hell, to think i was so preoccupied with all this nonsense i got into a slight accident. poor car. my poor car. =(
i'm still not over it. cant take it. and why in the world is bob armstrong giving us piles and piles of shit to do? i even had to skip a response paper for my driving. ARHG.
i want to drop philo so bad it's not even funny.
if every hour of thinking makes me lose 10 cals, i think i might have the world's fittest body by now.
no joke.
screw you, superman.
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[
Monday
July 27th, at 4:54am
] |
knowing that it's coming to an end.
and feeling that it's passing on by way too fast.
it feels like my heart is going to rip.
and i can barely even breathe.
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[
Thursday
July 2nd, at 4:08am
] |
he's the type of man who will never fail to disappoint.
after a long long period of hatred, i finally managed to free myself from that terribly strong revolting emotion.
problem now is that, how.
how do i love a man who's so capable of inflicking such painful emotions on me.
and it feels like every single time, these disappointments just gets worse.
strangly, the memories dont really fade. Even after years of its happening.
“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”
- Thomas Hardy
you wont even be able to imagine how it feels, when you prepare yourself for X level of disappointment, and yet still gets blown away cause you've once again received a much bigger disappointment.
plus, it's getting scary right?
it feels like i'm becoming so cynical towards everything.
'becoming' what an interesting choice of word, almost as if i am still going to continue to evolve into an even more cynical person.
suckiest part is that, i'm trying my very best to act all mature about it.
i wish i could stomp my foot, cry out loud and demand things to just go my way.
but.
i believe that you're trying very hard to come back in.
please believe me when i say that i'm trying my best to let you in too.
it's just, you're using all the wrong ways, wrong words, and your pride.
goodness.
if only, you'd just throw away your pride and humour us.
oh god.
if only.
then things wouldnt have to be so hard.
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[
Tuesday
April 14th, at 10:34am
] |
"i turn my head to the east, i dont see nobody by my side.
i turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
so i turn my head to the north, swallowed that pill that they call pride
that old me is dead and gone, but the new me will be alright"
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
i'm adict adicted to this soooong.
=D
televsion just becomes more attractive when exams are around the corner.
=D
i almost rolled off the bed laughing so many times yesterday.
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i feel so bad for actually being happy.
this is bad.
hahahahhahaha.
or not.
oh well. one day down.
i can get used to this.
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[
Sunday
March 22nd, at 11:06pm
] |
do you believe in true love baby?
cause i think i dont anymore.
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[
Monday
January 12th, at 2:14am
] |
cause i left this in indon,
and i feel like crying.
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[
Sunday
December 21st, at 3:04am
] |
this is funny bunny for you! <333333333333333333333
She drew this for me!
she thinks she draws very nicely. hahahhahahahhahah!
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
artistic flare, you think?
si ning! si ning! si ning! =D =D =D you ahhhh! i'm going to miss your retardation! =DDDDDDDDD
i will think of siew mai and ha gao okay!
thanks for the attempt at trying to make me feel excited and happy lahhhh!
aiyoh! hahahhahahhahha!
wos ais nis.
hahahhahah!
this is damn random, but i suddenly remembered the time you tried to make me feel better after i told you i screwed up my hair!
the you dont want to give me back my money look ahhhh!
hahahhahahhahahhha!
and your kevin inspired lesbo tendecies!!!
hahahahhahhahahhahaha!
you are the cutest bunny okay! i want to steal you from mr bunny!!!!
RAWR.
okay, dont kill me now!
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD muahahhahahahhaa.
i did this in the name of lurveee lurveeeee.
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[
Friday
December 19th, at 9:43pm
] |
and i relised that, my post have been very open to the public recently.
time to lock lock lock lock.
aiyoh, i wish certain people would just get an lj account.
that way, i wont have to tell the whole world what i want to show to just a few certain you.
到底是要远远看你,还是靠近一点更好.
我不确定你是不是,我一直要找的主角.
我用骗人的祈祷,骗自己我现在很好.
和你在一起的每分每秒,就像走过彩虹隧道.
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
and the clock strikes 12.
no more cinderalla scene.
the bells resounds so loudly,
a constant reminder that this is the reality.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
people who are not preety enough, not rich enough, not good enough.
i wonder if we should all just drink poisn and die?
maybe the world would be a much better place if everyone who lives are of perfect criteria.
ohhhhhhhhh just take a gun and put it to my head will you?
lets get this all over with.
oh yan oh yan.
i suddenly cant stop thinking about what you said yesterday.
i hope and i really really hope and pray too, may this not be a termly thing.
i wont be able to handle it if that's the way.
i think jie ke shu shu = joker
oh goodness, i just realised how very slow i actually am.
i'm so getting old.
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[
Sunday
December 14th, at 3:28am
] |
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idontknowhowtohandlethis.
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[
Friday
December 12th, at 4:49pm
] |
 ihaveacravingfortakashimayasbasementtaiyaki.
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[
Friday
December 12th, at 4:45pm
] |
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At least learn how to dispose of me properly after using me.
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[
Saturday
December 6th, at 1:06pm
] |
you are scary in a sense that.
you treat people you hate and people you love in an exact same way.
no way to tell, to way to guess, no way to know, no way to find out.
and that.
really scares me.
really, i cant help but think, you're talking about me.
stc replay.
or maybe, it's that time of the month.
urgh.
22 more days.
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[
Saturday
November 22nd, at 5:25pm
] |
OMGS!!!
ANYONE INTERESTED TO DO CHARITY?!
like you know, going to some super ulu country and helping out the kids there and all.
and ahhh of course, my free hugs/ maybe even free kisses project?!
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.
NO MANNN, I'M EFFING SERIOUS.
whatever effing might mean.
har har har.
Hayley koh yu yan!
jerry is mineeeeeeeeee.
i'm going to steal him from you.
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
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